Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize