i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I wish you could order shots online.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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