The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
