I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
So vagazzling was a success
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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