So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
