She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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