guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
