The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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