I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
