I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
