She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
