I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
