my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
