yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
