don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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