she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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