I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Success! We fucked roommates!
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
