help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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