I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
