Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
