Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
