Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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