On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
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