I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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