i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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