i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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