Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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