apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
