can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
