i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
