Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
How naked do you want me to be?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
