First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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