So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I am available for nakedness
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
