I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I want a musical about memes.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
