2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
