Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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