I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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