I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You were trust falling into bushes
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
