my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
