somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I think my vagina is haunted
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
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