There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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