if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
