We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
