New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
