Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
