4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
