I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
