So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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