i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
