Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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