I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
