I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
