dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
